and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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