I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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