Already got asked if we're dating
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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