New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
