I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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