So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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