you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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