I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
