just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Another day, another engagement, another cat
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
