Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
