She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
