Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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