upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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