Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
