Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
