girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
