when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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