dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
