I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
