Is it because I queefed?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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