The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
