id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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