I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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