fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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