If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
