I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
