Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
