apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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