If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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