My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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