Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
