sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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