i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
