Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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