Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
