So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
