We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
