I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
