isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
