hotel room ftw
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
