Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
