awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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