Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
