she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
