it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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