Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
