last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
