If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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