broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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