She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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