I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
