I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
