a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She said her name was "party"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
